What's for Lunch

In an effort to save money and eat healthy, I try to make my lunch and eat at the office. Lately I've been stuck on this fabulous sandwich.

Sunflower seed bread, cheese (either Swiss, Havarti or chive and onion cream cheese), some light Balsamic dressing, roasted red peppers (this is the secret ingredient), dill pickles, and some organic red lettuce.

I buy the small chip packs in bulk. It's economical and limits the amount of chips I eat.

Doesn't it look delicious!

Weekend Report - Escalante

We took off Friday after school and headed down to Escalante. A BIG highlight of the drive down was coming up over a hill between Torrey and Boulder to see a Mountain Lion in the road. He trotted into the woods where we stopped to watch him for a few minutes. Amazing!

Saturday we got up and went to the visitors center, which we found out is closed on Saturdays. What!?

Here is Isaac out front.

We then took the long drive to the Peekaboo, Spooky and Brimstone trailhead.

The plan was to go up Peekaboo (because I did not want to go down the first part) then down Spooky and over to Brimstone.

Here are the boys at the beginning (this is what I didn't want to go down, it was scary enough going up)

Once we scrambled into the slot canyon it was beautiful!  The boys loved it. Throughout the slot there is some scrambling up, over and around rocks, not to mention a couple of tight squeezes. I think they had no idea what they were getting into and you could tell how excited they were to explore.

Aptly named, Peekaboo.

 At the top, we missed the cairns leading us over to Spooky and ended up doing the upper part of Peekaboo, which turned out to be pretty cool. Luckily, I have a husband with a great sense of direction and we didn't have to do any backtracking to get to the top of Spooky.

Rick and I did the top part of Spooky, but we came to an area where it looks like it stops. Then we realized we could see about 20 feet below us through holes between the boulders at our feet. This is where Rick and I bowed out. The boys were up for the adventure and found a place to lower themselves into the heart of Spooky.

Rick and I found that we could walk along the top of the slot. After we met the boys at the bottom, I went back in with them and Rick took a couple of pictures from the top. There were only a couple of places we could actually see all the way to the bottom.

 From the top... and then zoomed in

 We ate lunch in the shade of Spooky. Rick and I went as far as we dared. We both have bit of claustrophobia, so we felt pretty brave doing what we did. There was a slightly overweight guy who hung out with us. He couldn't fit through the first tight squeeze and was waiting while his wife went up and back.

Isaac at the entrance (bottom) of Spooky

 

 Dead rattle snake. We are glad this is the only snake we saw the whole day.

Parts of Spooky are so tight you have to take off your camel back and go sideways.

 

 Then came the loooooooong walk to Brimstone. It only took about 45 minutes, but was through deep, soft sand. It was hot and exhausting. Along the way, we met a family from Germany who were lost. We gave them directions and our map. Other than that, we didn't see anyone the whole trip out to Brimstone and back.

Zane was always leading the group.

 

 Rick and Isaac coming up the rear. While Rick and I were talking with the German family, Zane and Isaac played on a big sand hill.  Isaac had to stop to pour about 2 cups of sand out of his shoes.

Brimstone was amazing. It is the deepest of the three slots and also a bit humid, so it felt air conditioned. After being hot and sweaty, it was almost cold in Brimstone.

Brimstone gets darker and thinner the farther back you go. There was a lot of water the first time I went (about 8 years ago), and we didn't get very far into the slot before having to turn around. I was glad it was dryer this time. It made the long walk worth it.

Rick and I stopped about right here. The boys were a little freaked out by a dead crow. You can see how dark it was in this deep slot. There were places the sun would break through and it was beautiful to look up and see the sun coming through the waves of sandstone over our heads.

They went a little farther, but it was pretty tight and started to get muddy, so we headed back.

Zane led the way. BTW, don't let the teenagers lead! We stopped at Spooky on the way back just to rest in the shade a few minutes. After we headed out, we missed a turn on the trail and ended up on top of the cliff instead of in the wash. We'd been hiking for about 6 hours at this point. It was hot and our water was running low. I found some shade of tree and sat down for a few minutes. I seriously thought I would puke or cry.

The boys scouted around to get our bearings. Zane finally recognized the TOP of Spooky. We opted to hike over to the top of Peekaboo and take that back down to the trailhead. So, that scary part I wanted to avoid going down, I had to go down anyway. The boys helped me through it. We were all very happy to get back to the car.

Me near the bottom of Peekaboo.

To get back to Escalante, we had to travel 26 miles on a washboard dirt road. It didn't matter. In under 5 minutes this is what the back seat looked like.

Nothing like working your teenagers to exhaution.

Sunday we went to church in Escalante. Such a nice ward. We stopped at Anasazi State Park to see the ruins on our way back home. 

It was such a fun weekend. I'm glad I got to share one of my favorite hikes with my family. I realized I'm not in the same shape I was in last time I did this hike. I was feeling my age, but happy my feet are finally healed enough to spend the day hiking.

My Broken Family - a therapy session

I'm not someone who is easily offended. When people are mean or inconsiderate, I figure it's their issue, not mine. That's why I've been surprised that some words spoken at a meeting I attended several weeks ago have stuck with me. At this meeting some kids were repeatedly talked about as being from a "broken family" or a "broken home". The first time someone said it, I was taken back. I'd heard of divorced families referred to that way, but I guess not since I've married into one. I just kept thinking, "Please don't ever tell my kids that you think their home is broken."

I've gone over and over in my head reasons why this was so offensive to me. Admittedly, I can see how the term fits. Since being so close to kids of divorced parents, I know first hand that divorce stinks for kids. It is not fair to them. I would advise anyone to work out their marriage problems, if at all possible (which I realize sometimes isn't) rather than put kids through "mom's home" and "dad's home" the rest of their lives. Not only that, but I've seen how kids get pulled into disagreements and forced to choose a parent's side. No matter how amicable the divorce, there will undoubtedly be emotional turmoil for the kids. The situation is "broken" on a lot of levels.

I found myself getting defensive by comparing our situation to abusive or neglectful parents who stayed together. At least my kids know they are loved by both of their parents. Every family is "broken" in one way or another. Clearly, our family isn't as broken as others, so why do we get the label?  I don't like that line of thinking - justifying one less-than-ideal situation because it's better than a worse one. I do believe the best situation for kids is a mom, dad and siblings, all living together in a loving environment. Reality is, that is not reality for a lot of kids. I also realize kids from any environment can grow up to be  healthy and happy.

So, I agree that there are some things "broken" about how my kids are growing up. Maybe what offended me by the term is that by simply referring to all divorced families as "broken", we aren't getting any credit for what we have done to fix it. Rick and I have made our top priority creating a stable environment for the kids. Every decision we make is based on what is best for the kids. Not that we are different from any other concerned parent. Hearing someone refer collectively to all divorced families as "broken homes" lumped us in with a vast range of situations.

Now that I'm writing that, I do not think that is what really bothers me. Again, I'm not easily offended. I don't care if you acknowledge my hard work on "fixing my broken family". What anyone thinks of my parenting is their business and how we parent is ours. I'm not going change what they think and they aren't going to change my behavior. I believe I stated my real issue at the beginning when I said I didn't want my kids to deal with the stigma of people referring to them "one of those kids from a broken home", as if that's so telling about who they are. Their parents are divorced, it doesn't define them.

Compared to my childhood, my kids have been through a lot of turmoil in their short lives. They have come through it very well. They are great kids. I think we have a good home and work hard at giving the kids every opportunity in life. Regardless if we succeed or not, this is their life. They did not choose to have divorced parents. I'm sure they would rather not have the emotional turmoil or every-other-weekend sleeping schedule. They have taken it all and done very well for themselves. They don't know anything different. I hope nobody ever tells them they are "broken" due to their parents actions, because the last thing you want to believe is that you are nothing more than the product of someone else's choices.

Here goes the cyclical thinking. While I don't want my kids to think of themselves as from a broken home, I also want them to want something different for their future families. I want them to have the skills to have a healthy relationship. I want them to want to give their kids an experience with childhood they did not have, one where parents stay together, love each other, and work through problems. I hope we are giving them a good example of a healthy marriage. I hope we are teaching them skills that will help them have healthy relationships. I realize sometimes things will be out of their control, but I hope they have the desire and ability to have a happy, lasting marriage.

I don't know that I've come to any conclusions about my reaction to that conversation a few weeks ago. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. I'm interested in other thoughts on the subject. Tell me what you think.

Weekend Update - Memorial Weekend.

It was a perfect weekend. I did not take many pictures.

I had Friday off of work so Rick and I got some house projects done. The boys both had plans that evening so we had a dinner/movie date. It's been a while and was very nice. I love date night!

Saturday we headed down to Provo to pick up Michelle for the weekend and visit graves at the Provo cemetery. Here are the Lyon's gang by Maurine's grave. I had everyone tell a memory of her. We also went to my grandparent's grave at the same cemetery.

Saturday evening we watched Cold Comfort Farm on Netflix (I recommend- see review on right sidebar). Sunday after church we took a drive to the Bear River Bird Refuge. It was incredible as always. Favorite sitings were a Long-billed Curlew and a Yellow-bellied Marmot.

Monday Rick and I took a bike ride and we had Rick's brother and family over for a cook out.

It was seriously the perfect weekend, very balanced with fun, family, projects, and relaxation .

Resilience

I wrote this blog over a month ago. It keeps changing. It started out being about bullying, but has evolved as I've had some experiences the past several weeks.

There has been a lot in the media about bullying and I've had some people I care about treated horribly lately. While I believe that we need to teach kids to be kind to each other, I also think we need to do better at teaching kids to be resilient. Mean people are not going away, we need to learn/teach how to deal with difficult situations/people without letting it devastate us.

I have a good friend who is a therapist and does a lot of work with foster children/families. She has spent years doing research to come up with a resilience program for families. She has asked us to be part of one of her focus groups. It is a six months program and we are just starting month two. I'm loving it so far.

Each month focuses on different aspect of resilience. Last month was gratitude, which basically was learning how to see something positive in everything. This month we are learning to be growth-minded, meaning learning to see difficult situations as learning opportunities. This includes learning to notice things like saying, "I can't" when things are hard, or blaming others when something goes wrong, both examples of being frozen-minded. One of my biggest pet peeves is when my kids say, "I can't." I've tried to teach them that they can do anything, it may be hard, but that doesn't mean that can't do it. I don't know that it has sunk in.

We also discussed this month how, as parents, we can disable our kids by how we praise them. If we tell them they did well on a test because they are smart, when they don't do well on the next test they think they are not smart, or they may not want to do something hard thinking they have no control over how smart they are, and therefore, how well they'll perform. If, instead of praising ability, we praise effort (i.e. "I'm proud how hard you studied to get a good grade") then they internalize that working hard pays off. I may not have explained that very well, and I'll understand it better as we go through our weekly lessons this month.

Originally, I was excited about this program for my kids. After the first meeting, I realized that I need the information for myself as well. Staying positive and learning to be happy regardless of your circumstances is a lifelong process. I'm excited for my family to learn and participate in my friend's research. I'm ready to make some personal changes and excited for my kids to gain more knowledge that will help them develop resilience to cope with whatever life throws at them.